![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Because of the private nature of this journal, most entries will be locked. If you'd like to get inside, you'll have to introduce yourself. You don't have to get intensely personal or make a lot of effort afterwards, but I want to know there's a person on the other side of your name.
Got a new pack yesterday. I've been sort of looking around online for a while for something I like. I didn't want a huge multi-day pack, because I'm not ready for extended backpacking trips yet. I don't have the knowledge or the gear. Nor anyone to go with me. But I did want a bigger, more specifically useful pack for hiking. Something I could take out and be out all day long. Or even overnight.
And I found this one, which had a sort of spring-loaded frame on back that keeps the pack from lying against your back, so air can get through. Which really interested me, since my back gets totally sweaty in that one area when wearing even just a small pack.
They have a women's and a men's model, and I could have ordered online, but... I have pretty broad shoulders and I was wary that anything marked 'women' would actually be too small for me. So I really didn't want to drop all the money on something I'd have to return. And they have an outlet store a few hours from me. So, yesterday I finally went.
And I'm so glad I did. I tried on the women's pack, and while was a bit smaller, which I liked, and felt better on my shoulders, the hip belt sat WAY too high. It was high on my waist, above my hips and really dug into the soft part of my stomach, like right across my actual stomach. And all I could think was that when it had weight in it, it would pull at me right there. UGH. The men's pack was a bit big, but the hip belt fit right across my hip bones and, when cinched tightly, took nearly all the pack's weight. When I tightened down the shoulder straps, it was secure and I could move freely and felt much more comfortable. So... the men's pack it was. It's a bit heavier and bigger, and the metal frame to support the spring/air-cooling feature is a bit heavier than a regular pack. But since I'm not out on the Appalachian Trail, I figured: ehhh, whatever. We'll see.
I also got a hat for sun protection, and I got new hiking shoes a few weeks ago. I'm working on breaking them in by spring.
And I found this one, which had a sort of spring-loaded frame on back that keeps the pack from lying against your back, so air can get through. Which really interested me, since my back gets totally sweaty in that one area when wearing even just a small pack.
They have a women's and a men's model, and I could have ordered online, but... I have pretty broad shoulders and I was wary that anything marked 'women' would actually be too small for me. So I really didn't want to drop all the money on something I'd have to return. And they have an outlet store a few hours from me. So, yesterday I finally went.
And I'm so glad I did. I tried on the women's pack, and while was a bit smaller, which I liked, and felt better on my shoulders, the hip belt sat WAY too high. It was high on my waist, above my hips and really dug into the soft part of my stomach, like right across my actual stomach. And all I could think was that when it had weight in it, it would pull at me right there. UGH. The men's pack was a bit big, but the hip belt fit right across my hip bones and, when cinched tightly, took nearly all the pack's weight. When I tightened down the shoulder straps, it was secure and I could move freely and felt much more comfortable. So... the men's pack it was. It's a bit heavier and bigger, and the metal frame to support the spring/air-cooling feature is a bit heavier than a regular pack. But since I'm not out on the Appalachian Trail, I figured: ehhh, whatever. We'll see.
I also got a hat for sun protection, and I got new hiking shoes a few weeks ago. I'm working on breaking them in by spring.
Another year of change.
Jan. 1st, 2012 11:08 amSo. I think I'll list some New Year's resolutions here, rather than in fandom.
( Some rambling about things. )
My resolutions are:
1 - To continue to use this blog to talk about addiction and my struggle and real life and my progress. On a more regular basis. It helps to sort out my feelings. And it helps to be able to read backward and revisit everything.
2 - To write at least 2 original short stories for possible publication, and to get several chapters done in at least one novel I've been wanting to write. Less fanfic, more original writing.
3 - To keep an eye on the job board at work and hopefully get a new job at some point this year, as I think the department I'm in will be outsourced soon. I want to be preemptive.
4 - To plan out and execute THREE hikes, solo or not, to parks I have never visited before. (Or, at least, not visited in the past two years.) With all of them being day-long hikes, and one being far enough away that I have to stay overnight. At a hotel, because I do not have the equipment yet for actual backpacking, though I'll gradually acquire it. I'll still hike every week, most likely, locally, but I want to expand my territory and go out for the entire day.
I think that's enough to keep me plenty busy!
( Some rambling about things. )
My resolutions are:
1 - To continue to use this blog to talk about addiction and my struggle and real life and my progress. On a more regular basis. It helps to sort out my feelings. And it helps to be able to read backward and revisit everything.
2 - To write at least 2 original short stories for possible publication, and to get several chapters done in at least one novel I've been wanting to write. Less fanfic, more original writing.
3 - To keep an eye on the job board at work and hopefully get a new job at some point this year, as I think the department I'm in will be outsourced soon. I want to be preemptive.
4 - To plan out and execute THREE hikes, solo or not, to parks I have never visited before. (Or, at least, not visited in the past two years.) With all of them being day-long hikes, and one being far enough away that I have to stay overnight. At a hotel, because I do not have the equipment yet for actual backpacking, though I'll gradually acquire it. I'll still hike every week, most likely, locally, but I want to expand my territory and go out for the entire day.
I think that's enough to keep me plenty busy!
Since I'm signed in to this account...
Jul. 16th, 2011 08:31 pmYou know what's really weird? Since I've been sober, I've started having recurring dreams about being a smoker.
And I've never smoked a cigarette in my LIFE.
I can't believe it's only been a little over 3 years since I stopped drinking. It feels like forever. I can't figure out if that's because I miss it, or because I've gained all that time back that I used to spend drinking. So the days are longer.
The healing continues. I'm just going to keep walking now...
And I've never smoked a cigarette in my LIFE.
I can't believe it's only been a little over 3 years since I stopped drinking. It feels like forever. I can't figure out if that's because I miss it, or because I've gained all that time back that I used to spend drinking. So the days are longer.
The healing continues. I'm just going to keep walking now...
Dealcoholized wine
Dec. 23rd, 2010 02:47 pmOne of the things I miss most about drinking, besides the escapism of the buzz, which was everything, is wine. Wine with dinner. A glass of Merlot with a steak or pasta. Grape Kool-Aid just doesn't have the same satisfaction.
I did a little research a few months ago about non-alcoholic wine, and I found a few wineries that made it. One, Ariel, had actually won awards for their dealcoholized wine and seemed to put a lot of effort into it. I tend to avoid liquor stores nowadays, but since I still live with a drinker, I'm there occasionally. And I've never been able to find it.
Until now.
I stopped at my local produce market last week for a few cheese and fruit necessities, and although their wine selection is small, it is supposed to be a little unique. So I checked it out. And they had it. I bought 3 bottles. Two Merlot and one Cabernet Sauvignon. I thought it would be really nice this holiday to be able to drink wine with my family, and I wanted to try it beforehand.
I was also, possibly, a little frightened of it. I wouldn't be drinking alcohol, but I'd be drinking WINE. If it tasted genuine, I wasn't really sure what my reaction would be. I wouldn't have even been interested in trying only a year ago, but now, 2 1/2 years of sobriety (God, has it only been that long? It feels like decades.) has given me slightly more confidence.
I actually got home from the store, took a nap, and promptly had a dream where I was relapsing like crazy and drinking everything in sight. THAT didn't help at all.
I made some pasta this week and opened a Merlot, and had my first taste of wine in 2 1/2 years. And it was... surprisingly good! It lacked the burn of alcohol, of course. Instead of a snap at the end, it was... flat. Slightly watery. But the taste was unmistakably of Merlot. Not just grandiose grape juice. I was pleased. I wish they could find some way to get that zip back into it, but I'm going to assume they've tried like hell and it just isn't possible at this time without sacrificing taste.
I was curious to see how I would feel after drinking it. And it was interesting. I felt an immediate need to KEEP drinking it. Like, the entire bottle, which was odd, because I wasn't getting any buzz out of it. No warmth or heat in my blood. No pleasant haze. It was easily quashed because of that. I didn't suddenly want to go out and drink real wine like crazy. I didn't immediately think I could 'handle' things, or get depressed, or whatever. It was fine. At 10 bucks a bottle, I won't be drinking it everyday, but it's something I'm glad I can have. I can keep a few bottles around and have wine with my favorite dinners, and even though it's not, and never will be, as good as real wine, it was a nice consolation prize.
I did a little research a few months ago about non-alcoholic wine, and I found a few wineries that made it. One, Ariel, had actually won awards for their dealcoholized wine and seemed to put a lot of effort into it. I tend to avoid liquor stores nowadays, but since I still live with a drinker, I'm there occasionally. And I've never been able to find it.
Until now.
I stopped at my local produce market last week for a few cheese and fruit necessities, and although their wine selection is small, it is supposed to be a little unique. So I checked it out. And they had it. I bought 3 bottles. Two Merlot and one Cabernet Sauvignon. I thought it would be really nice this holiday to be able to drink wine with my family, and I wanted to try it beforehand.
I was also, possibly, a little frightened of it. I wouldn't be drinking alcohol, but I'd be drinking WINE. If it tasted genuine, I wasn't really sure what my reaction would be. I wouldn't have even been interested in trying only a year ago, but now, 2 1/2 years of sobriety (God, has it only been that long? It feels like decades.) has given me slightly more confidence.
I actually got home from the store, took a nap, and promptly had a dream where I was relapsing like crazy and drinking everything in sight. THAT didn't help at all.
I made some pasta this week and opened a Merlot, and had my first taste of wine in 2 1/2 years. And it was... surprisingly good! It lacked the burn of alcohol, of course. Instead of a snap at the end, it was... flat. Slightly watery. But the taste was unmistakably of Merlot. Not just grandiose grape juice. I was pleased. I wish they could find some way to get that zip back into it, but I'm going to assume they've tried like hell and it just isn't possible at this time without sacrificing taste.
I was curious to see how I would feel after drinking it. And it was interesting. I felt an immediate need to KEEP drinking it. Like, the entire bottle, which was odd, because I wasn't getting any buzz out of it. No warmth or heat in my blood. No pleasant haze. It was easily quashed because of that. I didn't suddenly want to go out and drink real wine like crazy. I didn't immediately think I could 'handle' things, or get depressed, or whatever. It was fine. At 10 bucks a bottle, I won't be drinking it everyday, but it's something I'm glad I can have. I can keep a few bottles around and have wine with my favorite dinners, and even though it's not, and never will be, as good as real wine, it was a nice consolation prize.
Just a note
Nov. 5th, 2010 02:49 pmI thought about deleting this journal for quite a while, and had kind of decided I would. And yet... I kept putting it off. And I kind of realize the reason I can't get rid of it is because I still need it. All fannish activity and general life stuff is always going to be at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
surreallis, but my addiction will always be here. And although I can go long periods of time without needing to blog about it or do heavy work on it, I do still need it. So, I've been editing most of the fannish content out of here to return it to my addiction journey.
I could possibly go months without updating and then there might be a rash of posts. That's the way it goes.
Please do defriend this journal to get it off your reading list if you wish! Seriously. I don't even have the 'friends of' option listed in my profile anymore. If you want to stay, that's cool too. If you're dealing with your own shit, no matter what it is, feel free to talk to me about it here. Do not feel like you have to reply to my entries here with 'good job' or any sort of cookies. I can honestly say that this journal is for my own mental health. It's about getting my own head straight and keeping it straight. Not preaching to anyone else or getting pats on the back. Personal responsibility is hard.
Having said that, I'm pretty open about my addiction in my fannish LJ too, and I've found the value in being there for others when they're feeling alone and they're abusing some substance and they just need to know someone else knows what they're going through.
But as open as I'm trying to be, it's still a very private thing. It's not something I want to muse about in front of 400 fannish people. I'd like this to be a space that is as safe as reasonably possible. Thus, please DO take me off your reading list for whatever reason you have, or, if you do stay, do not break my privately locked entries and repost what I write. Or out anyone else you see commenting here by talking about their problems to others. If I find out someone is doing that, I'll defriend, obviously.
Thanks for being such awesome peeps, you guys. ;)
surreallis, but my addiction will always be here. And although I can go long periods of time without needing to blog about it or do heavy work on it, I do still need it. So, I've been editing most of the fannish content out of here to return it to my addiction journey. I could possibly go months without updating and then there might be a rash of posts. That's the way it goes.
Please do defriend this journal to get it off your reading list if you wish! Seriously. I don't even have the 'friends of' option listed in my profile anymore. If you want to stay, that's cool too. If you're dealing with your own shit, no matter what it is, feel free to talk to me about it here. Do not feel like you have to reply to my entries here with 'good job' or any sort of cookies. I can honestly say that this journal is for my own mental health. It's about getting my own head straight and keeping it straight. Not preaching to anyone else or getting pats on the back. Personal responsibility is hard.
Having said that, I'm pretty open about my addiction in my fannish LJ too, and I've found the value in being there for others when they're feeling alone and they're abusing some substance and they just need to know someone else knows what they're going through.
But as open as I'm trying to be, it's still a very private thing. It's not something I want to muse about in front of 400 fannish people. I'd like this to be a space that is as safe as reasonably possible. Thus, please DO take me off your reading list for whatever reason you have, or, if you do stay, do not break my privately locked entries and repost what I write. Or out anyone else you see commenting here by talking about their problems to others. If I find out someone is doing that, I'll defriend, obviously.
Thanks for being such awesome peeps, you guys. ;)
Did I just sleep til 11? Ugh.
Feb. 1st, 2010 11:43 amChrist. I gotta stop watching all those real life crime story shows. I Shouldn't be Alive and I Survived and Wicked Attractions and just... GAH. I wake up at 4 in the morning convinced that someone is in the house and coming to get me. Because, seriously, when men are on those shows as victims it's usually because they were stung by a bee and fell off a roof when no one was home. When women are on the show, and they make up a good portion of it, it's because they were abducted by three men, raped repeatedly and then stabbed and left in a ditch.
I need to stick with forensics shows which keep a distance from the victim.
Also, the ice on the roof constricts at night causing big 'thumps'. This makes me think we might have a demon, ala Paranormal Activity. The fright from that movie isn't in watching it so much (although the open doorway is horrific. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.) but from waking in the night three months later thinking you've heard something and suddenly remembering...
Okay. Out into the, er, daylight anyway, since there's no sun.
I need to stick with forensics shows which keep a distance from the victim.
Also, the ice on the roof constricts at night causing big 'thumps'. This makes me think we might have a demon, ala Paranormal Activity. The fright from that movie isn't in watching it so much (although the open doorway is horrific. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.) but from waking in the night three months later thinking you've heard something and suddenly remembering...
Okay. Out into the, er, daylight anyway, since there's no sun.
omg organizing.
Jan. 21st, 2010 02:15 pmI've been slowly working my way through, basically, everything I own trying to get rid of stuff. And just... whew. It's slow going. I just took 6 bags of old clothes/sheets to a charity drop box, and I still have more in the basement I haven't gotten to yet. I started on my books today, and then I realized how many comic books I have, and just... AUGH! I'll probably try to get rid of some stuff on Ebay. I might list books and stuff here, and if anyone wants something I'll give it you free if you pay for postage. Sending bound materials by media mail usually is pretty reasonable.
It's way overdue, and freeing to get rid of this shit. Houses can really hold a lot of crap.
And I thought the basement would be the end. :/
It's way overdue, and freeing to get rid of this shit. Houses can really hold a lot of crap.
And I thought the basement would be the end. :/
Ohhhh lol.
Nov. 29th, 2009 09:15 amOMG, you guys.
So, I have this blue-ray player in which Netflix is built-in. This means you connect the internet to your player and you can stream directly from Netflix to your TV. But only the stuff that is available for 'watch it instantly', which... actually isn't that much. It tends to be a lot of B movies and older stuff and most NBC television. (Which includes SVU and 30 Rock, so there's that)
And I was feeling rather melancholy and lazy yesterday so I pretty much watched a bunch of movies all afternoon, and I watched one called Surveillance, withKurt Moss Bill Pullman in it. He's an FBI agent and goes to Nebraska to investigate a murder case with his partner, Julia Ormond.
The movie itself was sort of disturbing and yet had some beautiful scenery. The characters are basically isolated out in the plains of Nebraska. A small police precinct with some cops that are just horrible, and the survivors of a highway massacre who are brought back to the station.
And, okay. Okay. Pullman actually wasn't bad in the beginning. (Although, really, does he have a neck problem? Why doesn't he ever turn his head? He turns his entire upper body and tries to look at you sideways. And that smirk? WTF? Why is he always smirking?)
They shaved his hair way down so it looked very cop-like, and I thought he looked better than he did in SVU. And there was this whole vibe there between him and his partner in which you could tell there was real affection and so many deeper things running between them. And I actually really liked him. But then... ( I spoil the ending. )
So, I have this blue-ray player in which Netflix is built-in. This means you connect the internet to your player and you can stream directly from Netflix to your TV. But only the stuff that is available for 'watch it instantly', which... actually isn't that much. It tends to be a lot of B movies and older stuff and most NBC television. (Which includes SVU and 30 Rock, so there's that)
And I was feeling rather melancholy and lazy yesterday so I pretty much watched a bunch of movies all afternoon, and I watched one called Surveillance, with
The movie itself was sort of disturbing and yet had some beautiful scenery. The characters are basically isolated out in the plains of Nebraska. A small police precinct with some cops that are just horrible, and the survivors of a highway massacre who are brought back to the station.
And, okay. Okay. Pullman actually wasn't bad in the beginning. (Although, really, does he have a neck problem? Why doesn't he ever turn his head? He turns his entire upper body and tries to look at you sideways. And that smirk? WTF? Why is he always smirking?)
They shaved his hair way down so it looked very cop-like, and I thought he looked better than he did in SVU. And there was this whole vibe there between him and his partner in which you could tell there was real affection and so many deeper things running between them. And I actually really liked him. But then... ( I spoil the ending. )
